His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love you. Go after that dick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
