I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize