You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
