she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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