ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The air taste purple.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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