Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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