I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
