I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
