How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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