Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
