I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
