I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
