We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize