also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
