I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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