His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
