My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize