yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
