Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize