Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
