i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
