this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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