Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
