I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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