Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no, he came in my armpit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
