i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
