so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
