WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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