I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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