My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I just sharted jello shots
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