I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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