You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
