Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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