I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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