I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize