they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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