I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
