In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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