booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
