Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
