she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
