So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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