there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
