Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
