That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
