we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
