then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize