you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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