I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
