apparently the secret to your success is patron
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
