There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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