direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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