so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
