At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
