so explain again why im purple
no
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
