If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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