At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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