But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
