Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
