So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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