Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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