ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
