Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
