i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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