Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
